


the only heaven i’ll be sent to is when i’m alone with you

by orphan_account



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Drunk Sex, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sex Tapes, also this is my first smut please be kind.., bottom! Todd, its just smut guys., there was no internet so I wrote this in my notes, top! Dirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 10:00:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19461649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dirk and Todd are drunk, and Dirk has the best idea he’s had in months.





	the only heaven i’ll be sent to is when i’m alone with you

Even after Todd and Dirk got into a relationship together, Dirk still drove Todd crazy. All night at the bar with Farah, Tina and Amanda, Dirk had teased him endlessly, and he’s not even sure he meant to! He’d kept his hand on his thigh the entire time, constantly had his hands somewhere around his hips when they went to go and get drinks together and at one point even tried to undo his belt buckle.

Dirk said he had no idea what he was doing and by the end of the night, drunk as all hell, Todd was a complete mess because of him.

“I can’t believe you,” Todd says.

“Sorry?” Dirk slurs, his hand trailing up Todd’s flannel as he fumbles with the keys to his apartment.

“I said- I can’t believe you,” he slurs back, finally getting the door open and stumbling inside, pulling Dirk in by the tie and into a heated kiss, slamming the door shut behind him. Dirk flails for a second before resting his hands on his hips, where they’ve been all night.

The fact that Dirk has to lean down to be able to kiss him doesn’t bode well with his drunkenness, so he maneuvers Todd toward the bed. When it hits the back of Todd’s knees he falls on top of him.

Dirk is only pecking at his lips now, leaving a trail of kisses down his jawline and at his neck, where he licks lightly. Todd whines into his ear.

He knows what Todd likes, even if they’ve only done this once before. The closest they’d gotten before that was Todd getting on his knees and unbuckling Dirk’s belt before one of the walls was blown out. Todd called that case ‘ _The Cockblock Case_ ’, which did actually include a lot of chickens.

Dirk leans back to get a complete view of Todd beneath him. He’s frowning a little, his mouth half open and even in the dark, his eyes are the bluest he’s ever seen them. Todd looks at him, half expecting something.

Dirk pulls at the grey jacket Todd is wearing, “Take this off,”

Todd pushes himself up and pulls off the jacket, discarding it on the floor and lays back down after. He lets Dirk undo the first three buttons of his flannel to kiss at his collarbone while he does the rest of them.

Todd pulls him into another kiss, this time licking at his bottom lip, silently asking him to open them, Dirk does so happily. The tips of Dirks fingers trail down the middle of his chest to the small trail of hair leading below his belt. He taps at the belt patiently.

“Please,” he hears Todd say so quietly he almost didn’t catch it.

He unbuckles his belt at a punishing pace, his fingers are shaking and his vision is a little blurry, but he gets it done. He pulls Todd’s trousers over his hips, leaning back and settling on his knees in front of Todd and kisses delicately through the fabric of Todd’s briefs. He hears him gasp at the contact which goes straight to his dick.

He leans back and looks at Todd with wide eyes, “Wait”

“What? Is- is something wrong?” Todd leans on his elbows.

Dirk gets up and pulls his phone out of his back pocket, pulls up the camera app and leans it against a mug on the bedside table, setting it on record while Todd pulls his trousers completely off and slides his hand down his briefs.

“You don’t mind, do you?” Dirk asks, distracted.

“No?” He thinks for a second. “I guess not,” he mumbles.

Dirk stays at the bedside table for a minute, getting frustrated with making it balance.

“Dirk,” Todd whines when he gets impatient.

“I’m coming, darling,” Dirk says when the phone finally decides to stay where he put it.

He leans over Todd again and leaves a quick kiss on his forehead before pulling Todd’s shorts down to his knees, wrapping lithe fingers around his dick.

Todd is breathing heavily now, heaving while he looks up at Dirk like he hung the stars for him.

Dirk places a hand on his cheek to see if he can feel the deep blush on him, when he changes his mind and let’s his thumb drift over Todd’s lips. His lips part and Dirk slides his thumb in. His cheeks hollow around his thumb.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Dirk whispers. He knows Todd likes having things in his mouth. He learns something new everyday.

Todd thrusts desperately into Dirk’s hand, and frowns when he pulls both of his hands away from him to look for his wallet.

“Where’s my- shit,” Dirk says, patting his back pockets.

“Check your coat pocket,”

Dirk checks his coat pocket and smiles at him when he finds it. He pulls a condom from it and leaves his wallet on the bedside table where Dirk’s phone is, recording their every move.

“Do we have lube?” Dirk asks.

“Second drawer,”

Dirk looks around the drawer for a second, “It’s not in here,”

“Then check the third one, dumbass,”

Todd leans back on the bed while Dirk rummages around in the third drawer where his finds the lube hidden at the very bottom. He drops the condom and the lube on the bed while he shucks off his jacket and undoes his own belt buckle, unzipping his pants and bringing his ( _very impressive, what is that, six inches? __Todd damn near passed out when he saw it for the first time._ )  dick through.

He opens the lube bottle with his teeth and spreads it on his fingers, lowering them to Todd’s hole.

“Ready?” He says slowly.

Todd nods.

He presses his index finger in up to the first knuckle. Todd inhales sharply and squeezes his eyes shut, forcing himself to relax around him, which is quite impossible when Dirk deliberately crooks his finger to look for that spot when he presses further in. He moans softly, covering his mouth with his arm.

“Don’t do that, sweetheart,” Dirk always uses a quite impressive amount of terms of endearment when he’s drunk, Todd thinks as Dirk puts a hand on the arm covering Todd’s mouth, “I want to hear you,”

Todd moves his arm away and over his head for him, grasping at the sheets when he presses another finger in.

“ _Good- you’re doing- so well_ ,” Dirk smiles.

Todd thinks that smile is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, and smiles back softly when he realizes what he just said was  _praise_ .

“ _God, you’re so-_ “  Dirk bites his lip,  “ _perfect_ ,”  he says through his breath,  “I never thought I had a chance with you, and now look at us.”  he chuckles a little,  “ _Us_.”

“I love you,” Todd says quietly.

“ _I love you too_ ,” Dirk leans in and kisses his nose softly, “ _so_ _much_.”

Todd pulls his legs up and rests them on the edge of the bed, letting them drift apart when Dirk prods at the spot relentlessly, and by the time Dirk is done, Todd is more of a mess than when they started. His hair sticks up in all directions with the amount of times he ran his fingers through it, his thighs shake like they’re falling apart and his hands are sweaty from keeping them wrapped tightly in the covers.

Todd whines when Dirk pulls his fingers out, wiping them on his jeans.

Dirk rips open the condom packet and pinches the tip, rolling it down his shaft.

He leans in closer to him, looking down in concentration, his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth. Todd pulls him in closer, wrapping his legs around the small of his back.

Dirk pushes the head in, watching Todd’s chest rise and fall rapidly and stops for a second, looking at him.

“Please.  _Dirk_ ,” Todd grasps at Dirks shoulders.

“Sorry-,” Dirk says quickly, “you look gorgeous,”

He pushes the rest in slowly, but quickly enough to make Todd whine, high-pitched and perfect. Todd is suddenly hyper-aware of the camera resting on the bedside table, but is too lost in the moment to do anything about it.

There’s something not right about the way Dirk is moving into him- but it’s not wrong either, his thrusts are too smooth to be the way Dirk fucks, but he’s not complaining. Maybe it’s just something he picked up.

During their first time together, Dirk was completely lost in the moment too, and would thrust the way he wanted to, the way that would make him feel good, which was fast and hard. Todd came embarrassingly quickly that time.

Dirk picks up the speed, and Todd buries his face in the crook of Dirk’s neck as to muffle the high-pitched mewls he keeps letting out. Dirk strokes his hair absently.

“Doing okay, darling?” He asks low in his ear.

“ _Yeah_ ,” Todd gasps as Dirk hits that spot again, making him tighten around him involuntarily. Dirk keens.

He wraps his hand around Todd’s dick again, stroking slowly, out of pace with his thrusts but still knocking the air out of him.  God , when did he get so good at this?

Dirk slows down again, drawing long moans out of Todd, throwing his head back and letting his mouth hang open.

“ _Dirk- god- please, faster_ - ”

“ _Faster_?”  He slows down further, almost stopping completely.  _Little bastard_ .

Todd grips his own hair while the other hand shoves Dirk’s shoulder.

Responding to the plea, Dirk speeds up, smiling to himself, knocking into him again and again. Todd can feel the heat pooling between his legs, and moans helplessly.

“Todd- I’m-“ Dirk gasps.

“ _I know_ ,”

Dirk sucks at the light bruises on Todd’s neck and jaw, his hand tightening around his thigh. Todd’s vision is foggy with pleasure, plenty of alcohol too.

Finally, Todd slips his hands under Dirk’s shirt and clings to him with his nails, dragging them down his back as he whines into the crook of Dirk’s neck, coming over his hand as the wave hits him. Dirk thrusts into him a few more times before he comes too, breathing heavily into Todd’s ear.

Todd collapses back onto the bed, letting his breathing slow down. He closes his eyes as Dirk kisses his face relentlessly.

“ I love you .” Dirk whispers.

“I love you too.”

Todd winces as Dirk pulls out. He hopes it hurts tomorrow, so that sober him will know it really happened. He watches Dirk’s lithe figure in the dark move to the phone on the table, stop the recording and watch a little back happily.

“ _Perfect_ ,”

—

They fell asleep in each other’s arms that night and woke up in a  sticky mess.  Todd feels like he needs to shower or he _will_ implode .

Dirk giggles beside him, watching the recording back despite the raging pain in his head, as he realizes they we’re  so much more drunk than he thought they were ,  and he was  so much less smooth than he thought he was.


End file.
